Idiot Features: McBusted

In an occasion marked solely by the sudden pant wetting of now 20-something women in Britain, noughties boy bands Busted and McFly have reunited as super group: McBusted (a name they narrowly avoided sharing with a McDonald’s breakfast burger).

The news left non-hardcore fans (a group the boys like to call ‘not our mothers’), music critics and the general public alike in a state of confusion as the two groups were so indistinguishable in the first place, most believed them to only ever have been one band. However, for the sake of clarity, experts have devised a subtle method of distinguishing between the two: McFly were the group you felt bad about perving over as they were so young (now they’re largely legal it’s acceptable to do so, but in an unfortunate twist of face, few wish to); Busted were the group you didn’t want to perve over as they had the bad dye job you sported aged 14 after you were let loose in the bathroom with a bottle of bleach you found under the sink and mistook for peroxide. And, you know, eyebrows.

The news was announced on Monday at a press conference, which the invited journalists originally mistook for a hideous shirt convention, judging by the boys’ choice of attire. Face was saved only by the appearance of James Bourne, whose own wardrobe appears to have been cryogenically frozen since Busted were last current, to be wheeled out at the first sniff of a reunion. Well friends, that reunion is here. They’re describing themselves as a ‘pop supergroup’ and needless to say, this translates into an unjustifiably vast array of waistcoats already in rotation. See also the selection of obligatory ‘kooky’, ‘indie’ (read: hideously embarrassing) press shots have since been released. Largely to cringing by all who’ve seen them. Vague interest from music fans was immediately quelled when Charlie Simpson put an end to rumours he might be appearing in the band over Twitter, with a concise, “No, I’m not…” Historians will note Simpson originally left the band to focus on music. We’re still waiting for him to do so.

Not ones to waste a minute of time and risk irrelevancy (ahem), their first public performance has already been scheduled for Friday, where they will be ‘playing’ (excuse the snigger) on Children In Need. Because apparently the children haven’t suffered enough already.

For cynics, bookies are already placing bets that their planned April/May tour will be cancelled due to poor sales. However, I fear they greatly underestimate irony.

To McBusted: may they change that wang of a name.