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Music |

Idiot Feature: Kanye Cocks Up

Thursday 18 September 2014
Words Ailis Mara

Put your hands up for Kanye West! Possibly because they’re the only things you can put up… amiright, Kanye?

The pillar of inexplicable arrogance, self-delusion and questionable fashion in its human form that Kanye West is has been brought to this correspondent’s attention more than once in recent months, usually when he was making some grand sweeping comparison that would place him in his eyes in a similar light to the civil rights campaigners of the 1960s, say, or Jesus (ineffably moronic in everyone else’s).

This time though, the controversy can be summed up by the simple acronym, WWJD: What Would Jesus Do, which appears to be the last thing that went through Kanye’s mind before he tried to force two disabled men in the audience to stand up through the sheer force of Kanye’s will alone, telling the crowd, “I decided I can’t do this song, I can’t do the rest of the show until everybody stands up.” An event that, had it gone to plan, would no doubt have confirmed him to be the Second (or is it third?) Coming he so often proclaims himself to be.

But not even the behest of Kanye belligerently stopping a concert until they did so (whining, “This is the longest I’ve had to wait to do a song, it’s unbelievable”), nor the ensuing booing from the gathered fans could make this modern day miracle a reality.

Needless to say, Kanye has since come under fire for this unfortunate series of events. But I for one am going to stand up for Kanye here, in his defence. What we have here is really an obvious case of misunderstanding as Kanye is, as he himself has declared louder and with greater conviction than any professional critic who has ever listened to his work ever has, the greatest artist the music industry has seen this side of Jesus himself (his talent at whistling something The Bible skimmed over entirely). By asking members of the audience to stand up, Kanye was merely looking for the respect and adulation that little voice in his head so richly demands. And honestly, being made to wait to receive that recognition from ticket carrying fans, with deeper pockets and a greater capacity to tolerate egotistical blowhards for 90 minutes—and to pay for the pleasure at that—than I, is nothing short of ‘unbelievable’.

As many fans have since made clear, rushing to defend Kanye’s good name, he even made allowances for those incapable of properly demonstrating the right levels of adoration, tacking on to his original request the caveat, “Unless you got a handicap pass and you get special parking.” And to be fair to Kanye, the second several fans and a bouncer had confirmed to him that this was in fact the case with the fans in question, he graciously excused them and made it clear they need not stand after all (“If he’s in a wheelchair, then it’s fine.”).

Equally needless to say is the fact that Kanye has since refused to apologise, citing the fact that he is a married, Christian man with a family (the four pillars on which unquestionable American morality stands). And as everyone but Poor Jen Anniston knows—for she is an unmarriable spinster doomed to spend her days unmarried as she can’t find herself a husband for love nor money—a marriage certificate doubles as a pass into the gated community of infallibility and upstanding moral rectitude where the only times you can ever be at fault is if you’ve forgotten an anniversary or left your husband without enough pairs of clean socks for the week. This is as ever the fault of the media! Which is where the real fun of this entire issue is now going on, with the raging debate of whether one should ever have to prove that one is disabled? Yeezus, indeed.

Words: Amy Lavelle

Illustration: Ailis Mara