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On The Fourth Day Of Christmas…

Tuesday 09 December 2014
Words Ailis Mara

We reminisce about all of the terribly rubbishy bad Christmas presents we’ve given or received over the years. And I’ve got the perfect anecdote for you, try not to judge me too much.

So you’re at university, you don’t have a pot to pee in where food or vodka isn’t involved, and you’d much rather buy yourself that new tee than buy for your entire family gifts at Christmas time. But you’ve gotta do it (insert deep sigh). This is where something magical happened. I decide to get my family a joint Christmas present. Problem solved.

I’m having fun, searching the net, pleased with my new idea. I come across the home section of Urban Outfitters and my jaw drops at the perfectness of this pressie. It’s the one. It’s brilliant. It’s everything my family would ever need. It’s a ketchup gun…

You literally fill the insides with ketchup and the gun shaped bright red and yellow toy allows you to shoot the sauce onto your burger, chips, or whatever you like your ketchup with. Coming from a family that enjoys a dollop or two, I thought they’d love this. But alas, that was not the case. The reception I received on Christmas morning was as frosty as my last name. I was devastated.

At least I’m not the only one who is challenged in the present giving department.

When I met with Avec Sans, I slipped in a “what’s the worst Christmas present you’ve ever given or received” in there and Alice had a doozey. She said, “I’m notoriously bad at gift giving. I think I’m really good and then it just turns out that I’ve misunderstood the situation. So I’m with my brother like, this was years ago midway through the year, maybe May/June time, we were watching TV together. This advert for a label maker comes on, God knows how they had the budget, it’s like an old school punching label maker. He said, “oh that’s awesome, I wish I had one of those”, so I was like clicking hand gesture, “in the bag, I’ll remember that”. In the run up to Christmas I was like “he’s going to be so pleased with this awesome gift that you really wanted”.

And then on Christmas day it turns out he had no recollection of ever saying it, and had no desire for a label maker and was just being sarcastic, which I should’ve guessed at the time. But actually it became a source of great joy because it created all sorts of games”. Jack seemed to enjoy the idea of getting “absolutely trashed and start labeling”. And if you ask me that sounds pretty entertaining… just be careful you haven’t had too many glasses of bucks fizz and decide to label your sleeping Granddad inappropriately.

Don’t fret, we’ll be having a crimbo gift guide to act as the Star of Bethlehem, leading you other challenged-in-the-gift-choosing-department people in the right direction.