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Idiot Feature: Baby, Baby, Baby, Oh

Wednesday 07 January 2015

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Words Ailis Mara

So Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds have just had their first baby, and lucky for the boy babies born 2014-15, it’s a little girl. And with them genetics I can already predict that she’s bound to be one of the biggest heart breakers ever. I can hear the future Justin Bieber’s of the world penning some ‘woe is me’ lyrics for a song about how she dumped them as I type.

It seems like only yesterday I was watching Blake Lively as S floating around the Upper East Side with B and trying to figure out who Gossip Girl was (which, after five years of watching, was ruined for me hours before I saw the final episode. Damn you social media). And now she’s got a baby.

There was an ongoing joke during the pregnancy that Ryan Reynolds didn’t want to name the baby something pretentious and Hollywood-y. “So I’m going to go with Excalibur Anaconda Reynolds, only if it’s a girl”. Hot and a sense of humour. We likey. Apparently a member of the hospital staff has taken to Twitter and leaked their baby girl’s name. Saying it’s a pleasure to have baby (?)Violet(?) with them. It’s quite infuriating that something as sweet and innocent as a little bambina’s name can be ‘leaked’. I mean you connect leaking information on Twitter with another terrible song by Rita Ora or how that girl from that reality television show has had another bout of Botox and now resembles a fish almost exactly. But definitely not a baby name.

It certainly is strange seeing people you grew up watching on television, or even going to school with, have babies and start their adult lives. I find it even weirder that I’m basically at an age where if I got pregnant, people would be happy for me. But like, how can I have children now? I am children. I sometimes can’t even be bothered to bathe myself let alone another human being. When did all these other people grow up? I say with the risk of sounding like I’m entering a mid-life crisis at twenty two.

Let’s face the facts; did you know Melissa Joan Hart who played Sabrina the Teenage Witch has three kids?? And one of them is nine?? And Britney and Justin split up 13 years ago this year. Not forgetting ‘Beverly Hills’ by Weezer and ‘Don’t Cha’ by Pussycat Dolls turn the big one-zero this year too. It’s just too much information for me to handle.

I think I need to say my congrats before I have a nervous breakdown by my ‘look how much times it’s been since…’ tangent. Well done on creating another life Blake and Ryan, we wish you many more beautiful blonde babies.