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Idiot Feature: There’s No One New Around You

Wednesday 11 February 2015
Words Ailis Mara

Valentine’s Day is the topic and I feel like I should apologise in advance that what you are about to read is from the perspective of a gal who’s bezzies are in relationships and the only plans she has for this coming Saturday night is a threesome with Ben and Jerry (maybe foursome if you count the cookie dough too). Yes, woe is me.

All is well and good when you can spend the day doing cute things with someone, there might even be some cute flowers and a cute cuddly bear or some cute chocolates thrown into the mix too. You know, just like in the movies. But sometimes, that just isn’t the case. Hello realism.

The other day whilst minding my own business, my mum attempted to ask me to set my brother up with one of my friends. For one, ew and for two, double ew. Her reasoning was that he just doesn’t have the time to meet anyone. But come on, our generation doesn’t meet people in person anymore, it’s an online affair for dating these days.

I always thought of online ‘dating’ as a somewhat tragic concept built for people in their late thirties and forties whose biological clock is ticking. And in their panic they choose a mate like a lucky dip name from a hat of potential matches. Or so she says despite the fact that about 85% (guesstimate) of people have downloaded some sort of dating app onto their phone and how that proportion will know the pain of accidentally swiping left to someone “oh my god, (s)he was so hot”. And there’s even some couples out there proving that Tinder isn’t just for another notch in your bedpost. You go Glen Coco’s.

But to benefit those who are going to Tinder their evening away on Saturday until there’s “no one new around you”, please refrain from overt social media PDA this coming weekend. No one really needs to know how #boydidgood.

Lots of love and Valentines Day kisses from a bitter 40-year-old stuck in a 22-year-olds body xoxo