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Idiot Feature: 1D Become No D

Friday 20 March 2015

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Words Ailis Mara

So, if you’ve been anywhere near the internet as of yesterday, you’ll know that it is the end of One Direction. Well, not quite. But heartthrob Zayn Malik has been sent home from their tour ‘due to stress’ over rumours he’s cheated on girl-band girlfriend Perrie Edwards. Que the onslaught of teenage girls crying themselves to sleep.

Award for funniest mention of why Zayn is leaving the band is because he’s joining Little Mix… Too soon for jokes?

It’s fair that One Direction have become like a religion for pre-pubescent girls that think a group of five guys, who arguably have more power than Jesus with their 91.8 million Twitter followers altogether, will notice their one amongst a billion tweets.

Reading through the #HaveAGoodRestZayn mentions is the perfect entertainment to go with your Friday afternoon cup of tea. Literally, scrolling through tween girls having a breakdown is more time worthy than it sounds. “I want to see my love smile and laugh again”. “Zayn was so happy this tour, he was dancing and laughing and he even finally broke his shell of shyness and now this?” “Literally just called my dad to pick me up from school because I just had a heart attack in the middle of class vjspapf”. Those examples aren’t even the worst(/most tragic) out there.

My condolences go out to those that left school early because they felt they were needed to support Zayn. Like he didn’t have friends or family to help him. Like he needed an unknown obsessive girl to do the job. Can you not support that from a classroom? Come on, stay in education kids. One Direction aren’t going to marry you. (Although if by some circumstance you marry Harry, I’d love an invite. I promise not to do anything embarrassing like scream “NOO IT SHOULD BE ME” when they ask if anyone objects).